Where’s your “gold ring?”

By Cynthia Louise Lewis

A few months back, I overheard one of the men from my church make the following comment: “It’s pretty distracting to help the priest during Eucharist when a woman’s breasts are staring at me.”

I must admit, I had already had some thoughts in that regard because, as I was trying to update my own “look”. I had observed a few outfits on some of the women which disturbed me as well. These thoughts, together with my own daughters’ frustration about how to dress fashionably and yet modestly prompted me to do some study on the issue. I found some help in St. Cyprian’s Treatise II: On the Dress of Virgins. (For the purposes of this article, we can think of the word “virgin” as being any individual who makes a claim to godliness.)

It’s really not about fashion at all.

One of the drawbacks of any type of commentary on clothing is how closely those comments are linked to the fashion of the day, but I appreciated how the bulk of St. Cyprian’s teaching approaches the issue in terms of the intention that goes behind our selection of clothing and to individual’s entire demeanor.

“But continence and modesty consist not alone in purity of the flesh, but also in seemliness, as well as in modesty of dress and adornment . . .”

Her modesty

mod‧est

1. having or showing a moderate or humble estimate of one's merits, importance, etc.; free from vanity, egotism, boastfulness, or great pretensions.

2. free from ostentation or showy extravagance.

3. having or showing regard for the decencies of behavior, speech, dress, etc.;

• Her seemliness

seem‧ly

1. fitting or becoming with respect to propriety or good taste; decent; decorous:

• Her clothing.

Fashion is not a separate entity, but is the extension of the individual’s personal taste. This taste, this individuality, must still come under the purifying blood of our Lord and be part of the regenerative process every bit as much as any other part of our lives.

“Let us glorify and bear God in a pure and chaste body, and with a more complete obedience; and since we have been redeemed by the blood of Christ, let us obey and give furtherance to the empire of our Redeemer by all the obedience of service, that nothing impure or profane may be brought into the temple of God, lest He should be offended, and forsake the temple which He inhabits.”

The body is God’s temple, and we are the priest of that body-temple! In a very real sense, we are as answerable to God in how we conduct ourselves in our body, as the priest is in how he conducts himself during the Liturgy!

Just as the body is expected to be pure, the manner in which the body is displayed is expected to be pure. I think St. Cyprian sums up the matter in his statement:

“No one seeing a virgin should be in any doubt as to whether she is one...”

What are we trying to represent in our clothing? Are we trying to prove we can compete with the objectionable? With the vulgar? Are we so naïve that we don’t realize how the sight of a half-exposed breast affects the men around us? Surely in this “enlightened” day, we have read enough magazine articles, and heard enough talk radio, and seen enough Oprah, to know that men are sexually aroused by what they see – regardless of on whom they see it. Surely we know that our godly brothers have to be constantly vigilant of what comes before their eyes. Or do we know precisely what affect it has? Is there some deep part of us that is trying to find fulfillment in that affect rather than in Christ?

"If you dress your hair sumptuously, and walk so as to draw attention in public, and attract the eyes of youth upon you, and draw the sighs of young men after you, nourish the lust of concupiscence, and inflame the fuel of sighs, so that, although you yourself perish not, yet you cause others to perish, and offer yourself, as it were, a sword or poison to the spectators; you cannot be excused on the pretence that you are chaste and modest in mind. Your shameful dress and immodest ornament accuse you; nor can you be counted now among Christ's maidens and virgins, since yon live in such a manner as to make yourselves objects of desire."

Here, again, is the central issue – the focus of our heart as it manifests itself in our actions. Is it our goal to be an object of desire to the men we meet, or is it our desire to have a positive affect for the Kingdom of God on all we meet? A quicker question to ask ourselves is: Do I want them for me or for Him?

Tater Sacks All Around

So, what is the course of action? Should we all don potato sacks, hide our figures, and never style our hair? Not at all. Again, the point is to be sensitive to the brothers around us, and attentive to the Holy Spirit as He makes use of every opportunity to build the Kingdom in us.

How? I honestly don’t have an answer. What I do have is a practical guideline that I came up with for myself and my daughters. I printed it, laminated it, and gave each one of us a copy to keep in our purses to use as a reference point while shopping. I’ve included it here while realizing it may be painfully elementary. But the bottom line is to continue to listen to the Lord. To continue to be open to His prompting as He leads us into more and more godliness, and as often as it is reflected by what we wear, to be obedient to respond.

Simple guidelines for clothing selection:

• No part of the breast or midriff should be exposed.

• Cleavage should not be obvious.

• Undergarments should be sturdy enough that the shape of the nipples is not seen.

• Pants should be loose enough that they

do not cup the buttocks.

• Pants should be loose enough, and shorts long enough, that the space between the legs is not obvious.

• Dresses & skirts should be long enough to move both normally and modestly.

"Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful woman who shows no discretion."

-- Proverbs 11:22

Where's your gold ring?

NOTE:
Cynthia is the mother of five daughters and the wife of JTO author, Nathan Lee Lewis.

"Brotherly Love"-A Letter From A Soldier

Number one in a series of letters from SGT Daniel Nuoffer

Dear Mr. Lewis

We talked on the phone last night. I have not talked to you since I got into country and started doing my job. It was good to hear your voice even if it is through the crackle of an AT&T pay phone. Thank you for having the time to listen to me. Sometimes it's all a soldier can ask for.

Some things have changed here. And some will always be the same. We have better computers, phones, and dining halls. To make it feel more like home Tents are still the same hot and stuffy. I live in a tent with 5 other soldiers. So when one doesn't wash their feet we all know about it and then we let them know about it. But we know that we are all brothers here. And each other is all we have. The other day one of our gun truck crews took a soft hit on the TC or (Passenger) as you would say. And they sent out a distress call from there BFT (Blue force tracker) that they were hit and needed help. All of that soldier mistakes forgotten. His fault cast to the wind. And almost in 5 minutes 10 Gun trucks where mounted and set to roll to bring home our fallen brothers. The order was to stand down as the report came up that the crew was fine. And the truck could be pulled in by another in their convoy. We have to stay together when the shit hits the fan. As I thought about all that had happen that day something came to mind. I am no scholar mind you. No real degree just a young soldier calling it as I see it. But as I thought about that day my faith and background as a christen came to mind. And I thought about home. And all the things that we hold close to our hearts. And it came to me that we as Christan's have long lost that brotherly love. We hear every day that one of our brothers is down. And he needs help now more then ever. Or maybe he is just lost. And needs someone to show him the way back to the road again. And we turn our head. Cover our ears or just walk away. His faults and mistakes to be his down fall. And when he doesn't show for church the next Sunday some have already forgotten his name.

I think that maybe something should be said maybe a teacher should speak. I am a sergeant and I teach my soldiers to count on one another. They are taught it from day one in the military.

All is well here. And my soldiers are doing well. King is recovering from his brush with death after eating the local food. And Hinson is doing what he likes to do. We are all waiting for our next mission. And it will come soon enough. Keep us in your prayers. Because when all is dark, prayers are what we have to lean on.

Sgt Nuoffer

Note: Sgt Daniel Nuoffer is on his second tour in Iraq. His duty is to command the lead gunnery vehicle that guides our troops in convoy down treacherous roads from Kuwait into Bagdad. He will be gone for 15 months. His new wife awaits his safe return as do we all. Send him your love and support. You may e-mail him at chemicalninja@yahoo.com.

(minor edits by JTO)