The Sacrament Of Marriage- Our 30 Years

Today is the 30th anniversary of our wedding ceremony-July 27, 1980. Last November 29, 2009, my wife, Cynthia, and I had our marriage sanctified in the One, holy, catholic and apostolic church. Just as the salvation of our souls has taken us on a journey so has our marriage done so.

We are real people with real human tendencies. There has never been a marriage free from human ups and downs, both good and bad, and ours is no exception, however, as two individuals bonded by the holy sacrament, and bound by our covenant before God, we have, by his grace, remained faithful to one another. Through the years, we have watched the dissolution of the marriages of some of our friends, and others forgo marriage altogether to live outside of God's sacrament. All of the sad examples we have observed have caused us work harder to remain free of the pit into which other relationships have fallen. Just in the last two months, two couples that we know have separated.

30 years ago, Cynthia and I agreed that we would adhere to three guidelines in the way we communicate:

ONE: We would never use cutting, negative humor, the kind which uses the other as the brunt of a joke or jokingly cuts the other person down. We determined that life was hard enough, and that we didn't need one another throwing jabs, even in jest. We would always attempt to be positive. This has come in handy when we went through seasons in which we didn't like each other very much or were in a state of selfishness.

TWO: We would never joke about, consider, or even talk about divorce. In fact, we would never even use the word relating to one another. Divorce would never be an option, no matter what. The world gives us too many reminders of that option, that "easy out". We agreed that we would fight such a temptation by not acknowledging it.

THREE: The worship of and service to our God would be the first and foremost determinate for every decision we made, great or small...period. Our lives were not our own but we were bought with a price. Our marriage is a tool for the Kingdom of God to be built in us and in the world.

Somehow, these three guidelines have helped us retain the fruit of long-suffering in seasons of intense stress. The idea of enduring happiness in marriage is overrated and not realistic. Marriage will not always be happy because life is not. The joy of the Lord is our strength, not happiness. Joy is unshakable. Happiness is fleeting.

"Through good and through bad, in sickness and in health, until death do us part."

When our daughters were young, they were part of a Protestant Sunday school. In one particular class, a young, newly-married young couple were the teachers. One of my daughters bonded with them and admired them greatly. They were an inspiration and example to her both humanly and spiritually. The news that, after only one year of marriage, they were divorcing, was devastating to her. I must admit that I had little compassion for the young couple. In fact, I was angry that their selfish actions not only effected them but had wounded the psyche of my daughter. Since that time, I have counseled many young couples to look beyond the current struggles that seem to be so insurmountable, and see the future. Imagine themselves as a couple, years in the future, who could say that they had worked through seemingly insurmountable odds and remained faithful to their marriage covenant. The tragedy comes 30 years from now when divorced couples look back at the event or events that led to their divide and realize that their unchecked, youthful immaturity, selfishness, and lack of forgiveness were the catylist to their divorce, and these could have, and should have, been prevented. The tragedy is especially intensified if there are children involved.

I once heard a fiery Protestant evangelist lower the boom on men by saying,

"Some of you men, here, get married and you are attracted to your wives. Then, a few years into the future, after your wife has had a few of your children and she doesn't look quite the same, you say, 'I'm just not attracted to you anymore. Our love has changed,' or some other lame excuse for your own selfishness. Then, you start looking in other places and find some other young woman to become attracted to and you decide to get a divorce. You men ought to get on your bellies and crawl out of here like a snake!"

Marriage is a life-long venture. The relationship will change over time. It is supposed to! A marriage relationship is to act as heavenly sandpaper, smoothing off the rough edges of our soul. We can always work through relational problems with time and effort. We can always find forgiveness in our hearts for our mate. It may take time, but it is worth the fight.

"I have fought the good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith."

If there are seasons where you don't "feel" the way you once did about your mate, and there will be seasons, then fall back on the covenant and commitment you made to God..

"What God brings together let no man tear apart."

I love you, Cynthia...