The Best Answer is No Answer

My Journey To Orthodoxy has, at times, been perplexing, not so much to me, but to observers. I have not always followed the status quo. That is not to say that I have not followed the orthodox way, but, I have not always bowed to the particular personal preferences of those around me. If one is honest, he will have to say that the boundaries of what is considered orthodox is dependent on what jurisdiction you are in and by what priest or bishop you are standing. I am not referring to the established doctrines of the faith, for that is unchangeable, but, rather, the rudiments, activities and expressions of worship. If one is still honest, he will also have to acknowledge that the orthodox faith is made up of many cultural traditions, the adherence to which is often wrongly considered as sacred as doctrine itself.

From very young, God has led me in a seemingly uncommon  way. He has given me a grace to hear his voice and follow him. This grace does not elevate me above others, it just causes me to walk to a different beat than many. I have not often talked of this grace of God, because it is too precious a place. It is a secret place-the secret place of the most high. Many have similar graces, in prayer, in faith, where God is as near to them as their breath. Few can adequately explain it, nor should they, for the grace is for them.

The grace, or charisma given to me allows me to know the will of God for a specific moment or person, or church, or event. In this grace, God often shares details with me-things I could not otherwise know. In this grace, God often instructs me as to a course of action-to pray-to speak-to write-to confront-to move-to stay. Often he will share dates, times, names, future events, so that I may know how to follow his instructions. Sometimes the instructions are in steps-stages, and I do not have the whole picture. I have been trained over the years to know and obey his voice, his leading, no matter what. He speaks, I step, he speaks, I step further, until his purpose is served. The most grievous times in my life were in the early years, when, through my doubt, I would fail to obey. The grief of knowing that I failed to obey God's direct, and time-sensitive direction cannot be explained. Now, not unlike Pavlovs dog, I respond quickly when God rings.

More often than not, acting on what God has shown me means not acting at all. I do not engage in tit for tat arguments or answer personal accusations toward me, This is true for two reasons. One reason is the simple fact that to defend one's self is pride and arrogance. As a follower of Christ,

I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.

In the same respect I do not spend time trying to clear my "good name" or get vengeance on those who oppose or reject me.

Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.

What a difficult, valuable, and imperative thing to learn!

The second reason I do not engage in debates, tit-for-tat arguments or answer personal accusations toward me, is that, quite often they are initiated as a result of my obedience to God. The Lord has shown me His sight on a matter, has instructed to me to speak, I do, and some push back. They always have and they always will. My response to the push backs would be my assisting those who do not have ears to hear, to make the subject about the messenger.