I won't attempt a theological treatment of the Root of Bitterness, our inability to forgive, our tendency to hold grudges toward those who have done us ill. I am, however an experiential expert on the subject. I have held bitterness toward another. The most difficult kind of bitterness to uproot is that which involves someone for whom you have or had deep love and trust- an emotional bond. The difficulty lies in the fact that they usually are to blame. They did it- whatever it is they did. They were indeed at fault.My first cousin, a doctor of counseling, once pointed out to me that there is no such thing as an inferiority complex. Instead, people who deal with these issues suffer from self-centeredness and pride. Their feelings are based in the desire to feel better about themselves and propelled by the habit of comparing themselves to others. "Pride comes before the fall" and they live in a perpetual state of fallen image. The same is true of those who are bitter at another. The Root of Bitterness is based in the belief that you deserved better treatment. The person who hurt you took from you the rights you feel you deserve. Again, the feelings are based in self-centeredness and pride.
I learned log ago that the person with bitterness suffers more than the perpetrator. The one who hurt you has long since gone on. Many times they don't even know you are bitter or at least can't remember what they did to hurt you. For you it is as if it was yesterday, when in reality you wake up to find years have passed. You have spent so much emotion and effort trying to pay them back for what they did but find that you continue to work for your own emotional destruction. You denounce them. You talk about them. You replay the scenes of the infraction. You gather those around you who will agree with you. You ironically become the hurter rather than the hurtee. The reason it is called a "root" is because it goes deep, having taken over your life, controlling your responses and relationships. Neither the death of the person nor their sincere remorse will uproot the bitterness. Because- pride nourishes the root. Stop the pride and the root will die.
In any case you have a decision to make. You must decide how you want to feel. You must decide not to let what that person did control you any longer. Forgiveness is not just for the sake of the perpetrator but for your sake. You must forgive in order to live, to be happy. Forgive, even though they don't deserve it. Forgiveness. There is no other way.
