"If you teach a man to think he is thinking, he will love you.
If you teach a man to think, he will hate you."
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Drifting Or Drawing?
I was a drifter from an early age. No, I did not drift from faith in God nor of the unshakable drive that the whole of my life and soul was in pursuit of knowing my creator and of doing His will. I was only a drifter in the sense that my perceptions of certain elements of faith and practiced were being refined. Such refining put me out of compliance with the religious structure in which I was raised. Where I knew I was intentionally pursuing, those around me not so inclined, perceived that I was drifting. To them there was something wrong with me. I was drifting, off base, being led astray, in rebellion, in sin, leaving the faith, in fear of eternal damnation, misguided, confused, ignorant, unlearned, immature, in need of understanding, stubborn, independent, wrong, deceived, lost, compromising, had gotten off the "straight path or narrow road", lacked wisdom, full of the devil, heretical, wrongly influenced and/or [add your word or phrase here...].
I was a drifter not because of any of the before mentioned items, but because my pursuit of God had required that I step outside of a doctrine, practice, belief, standard, method, church tenant that those around me held. I was a drifter. There was something wrong with me that those around me, sincere in their love, would by compulsion, come to my aide to throw a rope and dive into the water if they had to. They were determined to rescue me. A good rule in point is to make sure a person is drowning before you yell, "man overboard". If he isn't going under, he's still talking, his arms aren't flailing, and there is a smile on his face, maybe the water he is in doesn't present an immanent danger. All I knew was that there was more and that, until I found it, I was just a sketch of what I was to be.
When I had drifted enough for my father to have exhausted all means to "save" me, except one, I found myself at a Christian Counselor's Office. I was not dragged there kicking and screaming, in fact the meeting was my idea. Parent's love runs deep and religious faith is too often so intertwined that the two cannot be separated. It is too easy for parents to base their acceptance and opinion of their drifting child on a tainted love. Allowing for the possibility that the religious system in which they were raised, no matter how many positive elements it contains, is not the original, unchanged, Faith of our Fathers, that which was given by Christ, taught by the Apostles and preserved by the Church, parents act on what they know-and God bless them. This being said, they can still make the process of becoming Orthodox quite trying. But if Orthodoxy is the faith and God wills that all should be a part, then someone in each non-Orthodox family must be the first. Someone must be Adam.
I requested to meet with my father and the counselor of his choice. My father's conclusion that I was out of compliance had evolved to such an extent that he saw the destruction of my soul as a great possibility. He could not understand why I reacted so strongly to his intrusion into both my spiritual and personal adult life and why he couldn't "help me." The fact is, I was a college graduate-religion/pastoral ministries- from his Alma Mater, I was a licensed and ordained minister, had never been in trouble with the law, had never tried drugs of any kind, was a virgin when I married, was happily married, had served on several church staffs, was raising my children in the faith and respect of God, and had devoted my entire life and being, not to greed or avarice, but to the sacrifice of holy living and the service of God. However, there was one thing I lacked, one that made me a drifter in his eyes- I was leaving my Baptist roots.
I sat in that meeting for an hour without one question ever being addressed to me, for the counselor was focused on my father. My father had chosen a Baptist friend of his who read the matter well. The context of the conversation was the fact that my father's son, who sat there next to him, was an adult and was not being treated or perceived as such. The son of my father (me) had a heavenly father also who loved him and was able to do what needed to be done in the life of that son. My father's somewhat self-appointed patriarchal view was an intertwined combination of his self-image and his religious convictions. Even though my pastor father had served the Heavenly Father well all of his life, the matter of correctly aligning his earthly role was skewed.
I was a drifter not because of any of the before mentioned items, but because my pursuit of God had required that I step outside of a doctrine, practice, belief, standard, method, church tenant that those around me held. I was a drifter. There was something wrong with me that those around me, sincere in their love, would by compulsion, come to my aide to throw a rope and dive into the water if they had to. They were determined to rescue me. A good rule in point is to make sure a person is drowning before you yell, "man overboard". If he isn't going under, he's still talking, his arms aren't flailing, and there is a smile on his face, maybe the water he is in doesn't present an immanent danger. All I knew was that there was more and that, until I found it, I was just a sketch of what I was to be.
When I had drifted enough for my father to have exhausted all means to "save" me, except one, I found myself at a Christian Counselor's Office. I was not dragged there kicking and screaming, in fact the meeting was my idea. Parent's love runs deep and religious faith is too often so intertwined that the two cannot be separated. It is too easy for parents to base their acceptance and opinion of their drifting child on a tainted love. Allowing for the possibility that the religious system in which they were raised, no matter how many positive elements it contains, is not the original, unchanged, Faith of our Fathers, that which was given by Christ, taught by the Apostles and preserved by the Church, parents act on what they know-and God bless them. This being said, they can still make the process of becoming Orthodox quite trying. But if Orthodoxy is the faith and God wills that all should be a part, then someone in each non-Orthodox family must be the first. Someone must be Adam.
I requested to meet with my father and the counselor of his choice. My father's conclusion that I was out of compliance had evolved to such an extent that he saw the destruction of my soul as a great possibility. He could not understand why I reacted so strongly to his intrusion into both my spiritual and personal adult life and why he couldn't "help me." The fact is, I was a college graduate-religion/pastoral ministries- from his Alma Mater, I was a licensed and ordained minister, had never been in trouble with the law, had never tried drugs of any kind, was a virgin when I married, was happily married, had served on several church staffs, was raising my children in the faith and respect of God, and had devoted my entire life and being, not to greed or avarice, but to the sacrifice of holy living and the service of God. However, there was one thing I lacked, one that made me a drifter in his eyes- I was leaving my Baptist roots.
I sat in that meeting for an hour without one question ever being addressed to me, for the counselor was focused on my father. My father had chosen a Baptist friend of his who read the matter well. The context of the conversation was the fact that my father's son, who sat there next to him, was an adult and was not being treated or perceived as such. The son of my father (me) had a heavenly father also who loved him and was able to do what needed to be done in the life of that son. My father's somewhat self-appointed patriarchal view was an intertwined combination of his self-image and his religious convictions. Even though my pastor father had served the Heavenly Father well all of his life, the matter of correctly aligning his earthly role was skewed.
Do we raise our children in the fear and admonition of the
Lord or in the fear and admonition of the fact that we raised
them in the fear and admonition of the Lord?
Lord or in the fear and admonition of the fact that we raised
them in the fear and admonition of the Lord?
In other words: Now that they are adults,
Who do you want them to fear, you or God?
Who do you want them to fear, you or God?
I have had five children with my wife of 28 years. There have been times when I have had to be concerned for their souls because their drifting was rooted in the very fabric of what constitutes a holy life. Those times differ greatly from the question of whether or not they are in line with my religious tradition. Make no mistake: I believe that the Orthodox Faith is the original Christian faith with no adulteration of doctrine. I hope and pray daily for my children, who are not yet Orthodox, to come all the way home to the Church, however, I do not doubt their salvation nor the ability of God to be a better parent to them than I ever could. My children are no longer children. They are adults and I must have faith in the God I say I serve that He is totally capable of taking it from here! He can complete the work he has begun.
Anything else is self-serving, faithless, manipulation for selfish fulfillment.
The odds are not high that you will readily accept the possibility that God has heard your prayers and those of your parents, concerning your own spiritual walk and faithfulness and that His answer is coming through your own children who now Journey To Orthodoxy. How is it that so many in America now find themselves returning to the Faith of our Fathers- The Apostolic Faith-The Orthodox Faith? The sovereign hand of God is drawing.
Yes, God is drawing, they are not drifting and you too are being drawn.
As I was writing this article, my 18 year old, newly graduated daughter, came and asked for my blessing for her to go out with a friend. It seems it was dark, kind of late and her mother had concerns. Well, so did I. Much of our parenting has involved keeping our children safe and one of the ways to do that was to not allow our children to be in situations where things could happen. But, this was my eighteen year old standing in front of me. Next week I will take her to college in a different town. A State University, a big campus, night life, a college town and all that goes with it. So, she asked me for my blessing to go out. I looked at my new adult and said, "You will be spending many nights out. You will have many decisions to make. Be wise and be careful." I reached out and kissed her hand. She responded by embracing me with, "I love you daddy." To which I responded, "May the grace and protection of the Lord go with you." And that prayer is sufficient for the future.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Brighten up! Lighten Up! Enjoy Life!
TOP TEN SIGNS YOU THAT INDICATE YOU MIGHT BE AN ORTHODOX CHRISTIAN You might be Orthodox if ...
(10) You are still in church more than ten minutes after the priest says, "Let us depart in peace."
(9) You forget to change your clock in the spring at Daylight Savings Time, show up an hour late, but the
service is still going on....
(8) ...but there are people in your community who still can't get to church on time when the clock gets
set _back_ an hour in the fall.
(7) You consider an hour long church service to be "short."
(6) You buy chocolate bunnies on sale (after Western Easter).
(5) When someone says, "Let us pray..." you reflexively stand up.
(4) You went to church four or more times in a week.
(3) Your priest is married...
(2) ...and your vocabulary includes at least three words that describe the wife of a priest.
And the number one sign you might be Orthodox is...
(1) You say a prayer before you pray!
More Signs ...You're Orthodox
(10) You are still in church more than ten minutes after the priest says, "Let us depart in peace."
(9) You forget to change your clock in the spring at Daylight Savings Time, show up an hour late, but the
service is still going on....
(8) ...but there are people in your community who still can't get to church on time when the clock gets
set _back_ an hour in the fall.
(7) You consider an hour long church service to be "short."
(6) You buy chocolate bunnies on sale (after Western Easter).
(5) When someone says, "Let us pray..." you reflexively stand up.
(4) You went to church four or more times in a week.
(3) Your priest is married...
(2) ...and your vocabulary includes at least three words that describe the wife of a priest.
And the number one sign you might be Orthodox is...
(1) You say a prayer before you pray!
More Signs ...You're Orthodox
- You have varicose veins by the time you're twenty
- You don't blink when water is thrown at you
- A greasy forehead doesn't bother you
- You are a wine connoisseur
- You have a library of vegetarian cook books
- You are 60 and can still bend over and touch the floor
- You are a female under 30, yet you have a collection of head scarfs
- You are a male under 20 that has a pair of leather shoes
- You tend to buy shoes for comfort, not style
- You can name a brand of chocolate that doesn't have milk or animal fats in it
- You have Ancient Echoes in your CD collection
- You think palms and pussy willows are the same thing
- You know how to remove wax from clothing
Saturday, August 09, 2008
A Four Minute History Lesson
Read the Bio on V.Rev. Fr. Basil Caldaroni who is a former United Church of Christ member. The website also contains many good resources for further study.
Friday, August 08, 2008
Early Church Father's Quiz
Here are some of the doctrines of the Christian Faith that were practiced by the Early Church Fathers who were personally instructed by the Apostles. Which of these doctrines do you practice?
* Baptism was seen as the moment when a believer is fully and truly born again
* Infants were admitted to baptism
* Worship was seen as liturgical and directly connected to Jewish ritual worship; spontaneous worship was nowhere to be seen
* Obedience to one’s bishop and/or priest was seen as a direct measure of whether one was an obedient Christian
* Salvation was seen as something that was a process and which the believer could, after having started it, forfeit through later unbelief
* Fasting was outlined specifically before the end of the first century, and the way it was to be done was expected churchwide, not individually
* The departed saints, as well as the angels, were seen as and sought as intercessors in prayer for those still in the flesh
* The Church was seen as a single, visible body of believers that was guided by the Holy Spirit and protected from error; one of its chief characteristics was that its bishops (and, by extension, priests) could trace their ordination through the laying on of hands back to one of the apostles themselves
* Salvation was never discussed in terms of Christ paying a debt to God the Father, but rather in terms of His defeating death by His Incarnation, transfiguration, death, and resurrection
* The Eucharist was, time and again, referred to as the true Body and Blood of Jesus Christ Himself* Baptism was seen as the moment when a believer is fully and truly born again
* Infants were admitted to baptism
* Worship was seen as liturgical and directly connected to Jewish ritual worship; spontaneous worship was nowhere to be seen
* Obedience to one’s bishop and/or priest was seen as a direct measure of whether one was an obedient Christian
* Salvation was seen as something that was a process and which the believer could, after having started it, forfeit through later unbelief
* Fasting was outlined specifically before the end of the first century, and the way it was to be done was expected churchwide, not individually
* The departed saints, as well as the angels, were seen as and sought as intercessors in prayer for those still in the flesh
* The Church was seen as a single, visible body of believers that was guided by the Holy Spirit and protected from error; one of its chief characteristics was that its bishops (and, by extension, priests) could trace their ordination through the laying on of hands back to one of the apostles themselves
* Salvation was never discussed in terms of Christ paying a debt to God the Father, but rather in terms of His defeating death by His Incarnation, transfiguration, death, and resurrection
[Thanks to David Bryan for compiling these]
If you don't have much in common with the Early Church Fathers, from whom did you receive your faith and practice? Were the Early Church Fathers wrong or are you?
"There is One Lord, One Faith, One Baptism and one God and Father of all, over all, and through all and in all." (Eph 4:6)
"Holy Father, keep those you have given me true to your name, so that they may be ONE like us." (John 17:11)
"Holy Father, keep those you have given me true to your name, so that they may be ONE like us." (John 17:11)
The words of Paul the Apostle states affirmatively that there is only ONE way not many. The prayer of Christ to the Father asks that when He is no longer in the world, God would preserve His sheep as ONE. Was Paul's teaching true and was Christ's prayer answered?
The Orthodox Church contains the original unadulterated truth, that which was given by Christ, handed down by the Apostles and preserved by the Fathers for over 2000 years. To believe anything else is to suggest that the Church fell away into sinful oblivion just a few short years after Christ's prayer and after the last Apostle died.
The Orthodox Church contains the original unadulterated truth, that which was given by Christ, handed down by the Apostles and preserved by the Fathers for over 2000 years. To believe anything else is to suggest that the Church fell away into sinful oblivion just a few short years after Christ's prayer and after the last Apostle died.
Again- Do you believe as the Church has always believed? Next time you sing a hymn such as "Faith of our Fathers" ask yourself "to which fathers am I referring", and "whose spiritual offspring am I" ?
(Note: "Orthodox" means "right teaching" or "right glory"- in other words, where the truth and the presence of God dwells in their fullness.)
We are all called to be part of the "One, Holy catholic and Apostolic Church" , The Orthodox Church.
(Nicene Creed)
(Note: "Orthodox" means "right teaching" or "right glory"- in other words, where the truth and the presence of God dwells in their fullness.)
Thursday, August 07, 2008
That We May Be Accounted Worthy To Hear
By Cynthia Lewis
It’s amazing how you can hear something being said again, and again, week after week, and then one day, it hits you out of the blue. That’s what happened to me on Sunday when I heard “That we may be counted worthy to hear the holy Gospel . . . “ I suppose, growing up as I did in the USA Vacation Bible School
It’s a trick question. Because the only way to truly understand how much God values us, is to reach that point where we truly understand how this value is based on His love for us – that is what gives us worth. I like the Good News version of St. Paul
It blows me away to think that God believes in me. The One who knows me better than anyone else, the one who sees me “warts and all,” still believes that He made something good – something worth taking the time with, something worth saving.
It humbles, excites, and even frightens me a little, to know that He expects great things from me. Regardless of my endless stream of failures, regardless of my selfish little pity parties, regardless of how long it takes me to “gear up” for a new spiritual discipline. He still expects great things to flow from my life.
It is an unbelievable comfort to me that he defends me daily. Not just from the dangers in this life, but He daily defends me before the “accuser of the brethren,” and isn’t ashamed to tell him to “back off – she’s Mine!”
There’s a lot I don’t know about Orthodoxy, but I do know a thing or two about children. I know when you show them the kind of love that values them, challenges them and protects them, they grow into people who want to know what you have to say. As God’s children, it’s only natural for us to always want to know what He has to say. “Let us attend.”
NOTE: Cynthia Lewis is the wife of Nathan Lewis of Journey To Orthodoxy.
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
Bible Quiz 101
A fellow blogger has asked for a response to these rhetorical questions. Since they are so fundamental to the Orthodox Faith, I will respond, remembering that I am but a sinner.
Sunday, August 3, 2008
If the East had fallen...
I have some questions, if anyone would like to respond:
1. From whom did you receive the knowledge of Jesus Christ, the glory of your salvation and the doctrines of the Church? And from whom did that person hear it? And the person that told them? And the person that told them?
From the teachings of the Apostles, both by "word and letter" who gave such to living men who preserved and passed on the foundational truth by "word and letter".
From the teachings of the Apostles, both by "word and letter" who gave such to living men who preserved and passed on the foundational truth by "word and letter".
2. Who put together and preserved the divine Scriptures that as a collected whole we call the Bible?
The Bishops, Priests, Deacons and Laymen of the Church, who were physically present at specific locations in Councils. We know their names. We have the written recordings of the meetings and the historical records of the actions taken, and the criteria used for their decisions in canonizing the scriptures. There was only ONE Church in deciding the canon-The Orthodox Church.
3. Was Jesus Christ the only one whom spilled his blood that you might know of your salvation?
There is no other name nor blood under heaven by which we can be saved and no human can be compared to the Christ, the Son of the Living God, however, many who were called of Him and part of his BODY also died martyrs deaths, via beheading, by the lions or other means. More recently some 8 million died in Russia during the Revolution, including the Tsar and his family who were taken into the forest and shot, and 80,000 Orthodox Priests.
There is no other name nor blood under heaven by which we can be saved and no human can be compared to the Christ, the Son of the Living God, however, many who were called of Him and part of his BODY also died martyrs deaths, via beheading, by the lions or other means. More recently some 8 million died in Russia during the Revolution, including the Tsar and his family who were taken into the forest and shot, and 80,000 Orthodox Priests.
4. Where are those blessed Saints of the Kingdom of Heaven that died before our time?
Around the throne of heaven worshiping Holy Trinity and praying for us.
Around the throne of heaven worshiping Holy Trinity and praying for us.
5. Whom do you ask to pray for you: those of greater faith or those of lesser?
Both, but the prayer of a righteous man availeth much.
Both, but the prayer of a righteous man availeth much.
6. Was Mary the mother of God?
Yes. The Church in council decided this matter long ago. Christ was both God and man. Mary is the mother of his incarnation and yet He was also God. She was not the instrument of his God essence but of his humanity, Since His two parts are indivisible, she is called the Mother of God. The term is to assure a full understanding that God became incarnate.
Yes. The Church in council decided this matter long ago. Christ was both God and man. Mary is the mother of his incarnation and yet He was also God. She was not the instrument of his God essence but of his humanity, Since His two parts are indivisible, she is called the Mother of God. The term is to assure a full understanding that God became incarnate.
7. What do your Church Leaders do when they are confronted with a problem within the church?
Assume authority to make a decision. The question is: from where does their authority come? The answer: Holy Spirit.
Assume authority to make a decision. The question is: from where does their authority come? The answer: Holy Spirit.
8. Do you look to the elders and ministers of the Church to help you in your understanding of what you read in the Bible?
Only insomuch as they know what the Apostles and Fathers of the Church have said is truth. The criteria for understanding the Scriptures is to know "what was believed at all times buy all people in all places." This statement presumes that the Orthodox Church has always been the storehouse of THE truth.
Only insomuch as they know what the Apostles and Fathers of the Church have said is truth. The criteria for understanding the Scriptures is to know "what was believed at all times buy all people in all places." This statement presumes that the Orthodox Church has always been the storehouse of THE truth.
9. Have you ever sinned? Did God utterly leave you and forsake you when you did?
Yes. No.
Yes. No.
10. Do you lean upon your own understanding of the Gospel for your salvation?
No. My understanding as an individual is tenuous. Only in the West does an individual demand a right to individual interpretation of the scriptures. The Church is a body and in that body truth is revealed. Orthodox means "right teaching" or "right glory".
No. My understanding as an individual is tenuous. Only in the West does an individual demand a right to individual interpretation of the scriptures. The Church is a body and in that body truth is revealed. Orthodox means "right teaching" or "right glory".
11. What did our Lord on the eve of his betrayal pray that we would be?
ONE.
12. And what did he say Eternal Life was?ONE.
"This is Eternal Life: to know thee and Jesus Christ whom thou hast sent."
Monday, August 04, 2008
What Sola Scriptura Sounds Like
Sola Scriptura or the "Bible Alone", a system of theology that was birthed out of the Reformation, has bred an estimated 25,000 religious denominations. Attempting to independently interpret the scripture without taking into account how those who wrote, gathered and preserved the scriptures interpreted it makes about as much since as the guy in this video. It seems to make sense but...
This is why the Orthodox Church has always interpreted the scripture in light of Tradition, that which has been believed by all people at all times in all places. Now that make sense!
This is why the Orthodox Church has always interpreted the scripture in light of Tradition, that which has been believed by all people at all times in all places. Now that make sense!
Friday, August 01, 2008
Highly Reccommended!
I highly recommend The Orthodox Project website. TOP was created and hosted by my good friend Joel Smith who is a part of St Ignatius Orthodox Church in Franklin, Tennessee. To the left you will see a picture of Deacon Michael Hyatt who hosts the teaching podcasts on TOP. Deacon Michael has been Orthodox for over 20 years and is also a part of St. Ignatius. He is the CEO of Thomas Nelson Publishers, the oldest and largest Christian publisher in the world. Through Deacon Michael's leadership, Thomas Nelson Publishers undertook the historic project of gathering and editing the scriptures from the original Septuagint in order to publish The Orthodox Study Bible. CLICK ON THE PICTURE ABOVE TO HEAR THE PODCASTS
RECORDED LIVE AT SAINT IGNATIUS.
YOU WILL HEAR:
RECORDED LIVE AT SAINT IGNATIUS.
YOU WILL HEAR:
Deacon Michael's
10 things he wished he had known before visiting an Orthodox Church.
They include:
10 things he wished he had known before visiting an Orthodox Church.
They include:
1. The Orthodox Church is NOT similar to the Roman Catholic Church.
2. Orthodox worship is patterned after the worship in heaven.
3. The worship service has an ancient structure with purpose.
4. Icons are not idols.
5. Venertion is not worship.
6. Mary and the Saints are venerated.
7. Signing with the cross is ancient.
8. Orthodox worship is not a spectator sport.
9. There is a difference between blessed bread and consecrated bread.
10. No one will understand the Orthodox Church after only one visit.
2. Orthodox worship is patterned after the worship in heaven.
3. The worship service has an ancient structure with purpose.
4. Icons are not idols.
5. Venertion is not worship.
6. Mary and the Saints are venerated.
7. Signing with the cross is ancient.
8. Orthodox worship is not a spectator sport.
9. There is a difference between blessed bread and consecrated bread.
10. No one will understand the Orthodox Church after only one visit.
YOU WILL ALSO HEAR:
The Seven Ecumenical Councils
CLICK HERE TO GO TO
THE ORTHODOX PROJECT
or click on any title above
The Seven Ecumenical Councils
If you think you know what happened to the church during the 1600 years before the Reformation, think again. Christ has preserved His Church just like he promised. This live podcast is anything but stale.
In fact, it is riviting!
| Title | Sub-Title | Date | Length |
| The Councils, Session 1 | An introduction to, and Biblical basis for, the seven ecumenical councils | 9/10/06 | 37:38 |
| The Councils, Introduction, Part 2 | Important Definitions and An Overview of the Councils | 9/17/06 | 47:53 |
| The Councils, Nicaea, Part 1 | The Challenge of Arianism | 9/24/06 | 41:56 |
| The Councils, Nicaea, Part 2 | From Orthodoxy to Orthropraxy | 10/01/06 | 34:25 |
| The Councils, Nicaea, Part 3 | From Orthodoxy to Orthropraxy | 10/08/06 | 44:44 |
| The Councils, Post Nicaea | The Return of Arianism | 10/15/06 | 44:00 |
| The Councils, Constantinople I | The Deity of the Holy Spirit | 10/22/06 | 37:30 |
| Ephesus | Nestoriansm and Plagianism | 11/05/06 | 36:59 |
| Chalcedon | Eutychianism and Orthodox Christology | 11/19/06 | 35:26 |
| Constantinople II | Monophysitism and Origenism | 12/03/06 | 30:51 |
| Constantinople III | Monothelitism | 01/07/07 | 35:37 |
| Nicaea II | Iconoclasm | 01/21/07 | 35:12 |
CLICK HERE TO GO TO
THE ORTHODOX PROJECT
or click on any title above
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Toxic Faith and Dysfunctional Families
At the end of my long Journey, culminating in newly acquired resolute strength to break free of my family's Toxic Faith system, I had an epiphany that every one in similar situations must reach-
It is okay to be angry with the ones you love.
Throughout my youth I felt a longing that there was spiritual life waiting beyond the religious faith in which I was raised. Believing my struggle to be youthful rebellion or an easily swayed mind, my Father wrote many letters to attempt to keep me on the right path- the Baptist path. Unfortunately, mixed in his words and intent of love were words of manipulation and guilt. What a fortuitous thing it was for me to have kept every letter ever written me since childhood, including his, for prior to that moment of epiphany I was able to compile my father's letters and reread them. There I found an easily identifiable theme:
His answer to me was one of the most spiritually transforming things ever spoken to me, He said,
He was right. It was at that moment that I gave myself permission to be angry with my father and my psyche and soul were liberated. I could love my father for what he had done for me, and yet not accept what he had done to me and for the first time in my life I could see the difference. I was free to hear God and decide matters of faith based, not on family expectations and fear of rejection, but on clear thinking and focused hearing.
Parents love us, but the transition to adulthood is gradual enough that many fail to grasp the moment when you have ceased to be a child. This is particularly dysfunctional in a religious family. For those who have guided us spiritually, and rightfully so, have the tendency to fail to recognize when God has taken over their role. A parent must pass from the parenting of a child to that of on-call voluntary counselor to an adult. The key word here is "on-call." A parent of an adult should give advise only when asked and a wise adult child will ask.
Soon after my epiphany, I was having lunch with a friend who was a professional counselor. When I told him of the event, he said.
"I know what is best, only I know what is best, you certainly cannot know what is best, so listen to me or bad will happen, not because I say it will but because I speak the mind and will of God for you."
Now, these particular words were never spoken to me, but the theme through the years had been ingrained in my soul. So now, at this point of decision, the conflict of deciding the truth or error of the theme was strong. The challenge was not in the realization that such a theme existed for in the reading of the letters its existence was clear. The challenge was in uprooting this form of Toxic Faith and dysfunctional family dynamic from my Psyche, from my soul.
After having read my father's letters and having seen my own family dynamic illustrated in the book Toxic Faith, I shared with a friend the process I was in. As I was telling him how my father had manipulated me and used guilt tactics and authority abuse, I said,
After having read my father's letters and having seen my own family dynamic illustrated in the book Toxic Faith, I shared with a friend the process I was in. As I was telling him how my father had manipulated me and used guilt tactics and authority abuse, I said,
"But I am not mad at him."
His answer to me was one of the most spiritually transforming things ever spoken to me, He said,
"Why the hell not?"
He was right. It was at that moment that I gave myself permission to be angry with my father and my psyche and soul were liberated. I could love my father for what he had done for me, and yet not accept what he had done to me and for the first time in my life I could see the difference. I was free to hear God and decide matters of faith based, not on family expectations and fear of rejection, but on clear thinking and focused hearing.
Parents love us, but the transition to adulthood is gradual enough that many fail to grasp the moment when you have ceased to be a child. This is particularly dysfunctional in a religious family. For those who have guided us spiritually, and rightfully so, have the tendency to fail to recognize when God has taken over their role. A parent must pass from the parenting of a child to that of on-call voluntary counselor to an adult. The key word here is "on-call." A parent of an adult should give advise only when asked and a wise adult child will ask.
Soon after my epiphany, I was having lunch with a friend who was a professional counselor. When I told him of the event, he said.
"Congratulations. You have just become a man."
I was in my thirties, had been married for years, and had several children at the time. Toxic Faith has no time frame. It will not go away over night or when you turn 18, 21, 25, 30, 40... So, the choices are three: deal with it now, deal with it later or don't deal with it at all.
Our goal is not to change the erroneous and dysfunctional thinking of our loved ones, but to change ourselves by being liberated from the unhealthy emotional and spiritual control. The irony is in the fact that only in getting angry can we find the path to spiritual freedom and find the peace that has alluded us for so long. And,
Our goal is not to change the erroneous and dysfunctional thinking of our loved ones, but to change ourselves by being liberated from the unhealthy emotional and spiritual control. The irony is in the fact that only in getting angry can we find the path to spiritual freedom and find the peace that has alluded us for so long. And,
We are free to love our family as we ought.
Take time to watch the author of Toxic Faith answer specific questions:
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